Gingerus Hookerus

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:57:18 GMT

so yea

My Grandmother died yesterday. At 9:10am.

She was probably the last person I even begun to prepare myself for. My mother always told me that when she died, my Grandmother would be standing next to me. While logically I knew that wouldn't be true, its one of the many things I cant stop thinking about.

I wish I went to go see her last week like I was supposed too. I decided not too because, like the asshole I am, I didn't really feel like it. You really don't know what you have, until its gone.

I don't think I've ever felt the way I felt, when I sat and watched her die. And honestly, despite how I felt, it doesn't seem real at all.

I got some clothes for the wake and funeral, and I got something that I would like her to be buried with. Its a prayer box, and I'm going to put a prayer she liked inside. I think she'd appreciate that.

If you tip me, my tank is on empty.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 05:47:42 GMT

At last, this week has come to an end. It has been the longest week, in a long time.

I decided on Monday, that I would not go back to Cobleskill. I don't want too, nor do I think I should waste the money going if I do not want to be there. So, finally, I am a failure again. It felt so wrong not to be.

So I went and I registered at WCC. Only to deal with tons of closed classes, which I expected, finical problems and all that wonderful stuff. I have no idea how I am going to pay for my books, but I didnt know how I was going to do that at cobleskill either. I still have to pay for one more class, before the class starts tomorrow, a nice 518 dollars woohoo. At least, I didn't know how we were going to really manage paying for Cobleskill, so its not like I went and decided to do something that we were completely unable to afford, WCC is a hell of a lot cheaper.

Yea, so that was my big life decision for the week. Or for the year. As much as I knew what I wanted to do, I can not even begin to explain how many times I flip flopped on it before actually talking to my mom about it. I have to go and get my stuff up at Cobleskill on Friday, that should be fun.

So whatever. I am going to sleep now, since I have class tomorrow at 11, and to be honest, I am not in the mood to waste my time on the computer looking at a blank screen. I waste my time and my life in much more fulfilling ways, like sleeping for example.

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 11:36:58 GMT

So yea hmm

Christmas was good. I got two gifts that I wanted more than nothing else. One of them is sleeping in Matt's bed tonight, and loves cars haha

the other, might happen in June or August. woohoo.

Pete got the Wii yesterday. Its really cool. Today, we got Twilight Princess. I'd just like to say, that this game is the most amazing game I have ever played..like ever. That says a lot since, I have played quite a few games in my 19 years of living. Its so awesome, and is the reason why I am awake, posting at 6:26am. So thats all I am going to say about that, other than you would be doing yourself a mis service to not go and get that game.

Tomorrow is football, and hopefully the Jets will be in the playoffs. They are playing the worst team in the league, so its looking pretty well, hopefully anyway.

If it were not for a few things, I think at this very moment and for the last few days I've been really..really happy. For once, I feel like most of the things in my life are working together in a positive way, rather than against me. However, I am not about to get used to that feeling, seeing as two of the reasons leave on Thursday. Then of course there is other stuff, that will change..or stay the same. Whatever though, Its nice to enjoy some things while they last anyway. The other stuff will still be there come Thursday, when I think I'll be ready to accept the real world into my life, again.

And now, I am off to bed. Since I will be awakened soon and I'd like to get some sleep in before then.

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 06:35:48 GMT

new lj

cause i was bored

and i am pathetic and have no life.